Our journeys are ever changing..we are all travellers of this path of life☺️
When an actress who had been away from the movies for many years because she was married to an actor decided to divorce him and come back to movies, most of the people around me blamed her – ‘she just wants to come back to the limelight,she lacks values, she must have tortured him so much that he needs a divorce from her..blah blah blahs.
When another actress was raped in Ernakulam city recently, people around me(not all) blamed her – ‘she must have done something terrible to him to evoke such hatred, she was never a good person, she shouldnt have traveled alone at night, afterall shes an actress, you dont know whats the actual story…blah blah blahs..’.
When intimate pictures of another actress was leaked couple of days back, they said this again – ‘ Why did she go with the guy before she was married, why did she let him take the pictures, what is the use of complaining now..blah blah blah…’
When a journalist filed a police complaint today about her boss raping her after promising marriage and ditching her these people are at it again – ‘consensual sex doesn’t cumulate to rape, she has been at it and now why the complaint, dint she know he was married, why dint she use her head…blah blah blah’.
I am just sick and tired of the hypocrisy around me. Why do you find it so easy to point your finger always towards the woman? Why is your mind so conditioned to come up with these ‘ why did SHE’s and the ‘SHE shouldnt have’s as soon as something happens. Why is the notion of the ‘ela chennu mullil veenalum, mullu chennu elayil veenalum kedu elakanu’ so so strong in your minds?
We dont always hear someone balming a guy, do we? Why dont you even glance at the man sideways?In the recent rape case against the actor who is currently in jail, there are so many which includes a majority of woman who are supporting him and hoping for his bail. It is totally insane!
Is it because we Malayalis have this innate sense to care? To care and to judge and to speculate? It is expected that a girl growing up in Kerala needs to know her ‘limits’. We judge if the length of her skirt is right or whether her moral compass is in check. Aren’t we experts in offering preventive mesures right after any problem has escalated to the highest levels?(Total pro levels at that!) We over look such ‘silly’ things as emotions or feelings(of the woman ofcourse). It should always be about living the ‘righteous’ way! And the righteous way almost always is when she knows her ‘limits’ as a woman. Anyone who dithers from it will know the Mallu wrath.
Its high time that we uncondition our minds to such over concentrated trivialities. We need to start playing a fair game. Every coin has two sides. Lets not always pound on the same side of the coin just because it has a womans face etched on it!
Just came to know from one of the school groups that there has been a child kidnapping attempt in one of the prominent schools in Kochi. Don’t know about the authenticity of this but in the past few months, there has been all kinds of news and forwards in watsap about child abductions that would freeze any mothers heart.
I randomly checked google for some statistics and around 740 child abductions has happened in the past one year alone in Kerala. In the month of November alone there has been nearly 45. Some of the children were later found, but nearly 350 of these registered children are still missing. And the actual figures would be much more.
The other day, one of my ex colleagues very fashionably told me that her neighbor takes her daughter to dance classes. And since she dint have time she doesn’t know where exactly the dance class was. I was mortified and asked her how can you possibly not know your own daughters dance class? She brushed it off saying I am really busy with my job bla bla bla. I am not sure that saying I am really busy for my own child is anything a parent has to be proud of. All of us work, cook, clean,bake,wash, you name it, we do it all. But at the end of the day most of it is for our children right?
What they do to the abducted children is something more heartbreaking than anything we might ever know.So, dear fellow parents, lets take all extra efforts to keep our child safe.
*Tell them not to trust anyone who says they know their parents/siblings and has asked them to come and pick them. (I bet all of us have done that).
* Recheck with your van driver how is he getting the child from the class. I have seen single children sitting in vans in the afternoons waiting alone while the driver goes into school to pick others kids from classes. Ask your child time and again about this.
* Recheck if your regular van driver doesn’t show up and sends someone else.
*However busy you are, make your kid your priority, listen to their day, who all they have met during the day. If there is anyone who is showing special interest in them without your knowledge, make note.
* Make your child learn your and your spouses phone number.
* When you go into malls and crowded places, be extra careful, keep your child in sight, hold hands, glare at them if they try to run around, anything so that you know they are with you.
* Don’t leave your child outside if you get into one of the trial rooms, take them with you.
*Don’t ever leave your child alone inside a parked vehicle with or without the ignition on. Child locks are never really safe.
*Make them practice their loudest scream if at all they have to face the inevitable.
* And since most of us know other parents in school, and have watsap groups, those of going to pick our kids, lets keep a lookout for other kids too. In case you dont have parents groups, its better that you start one.
I guess I am panicking a lot more than needed here, but lets keep our children safe. They need to play, have fun and have a childhood they don’t have to recover from. Lets give them that.
* All the figures above are from google
The little girl in the front row kept looking back at me a couple of times before mustering up her courage and asking me with wide eyes ‘ Aunty, have you joined’?
I nod my head and look ahead only to see little Priya straining her neck to meet my eyes and giggling herself to glory. She strains herself further more until she catches Cherry (who is made to sit two kids after her to the left because they always end up talking :D) and they both look back at me, cover their mouth animatedly and giggle further.
I glare at them in mock seriousness and narrow my eyes at Cherry but decide it was best to keep a low profile before the whole of the first row, all of them 1st graders decide to look back at me and laugh.
They can do that, you see because:
1)They are only 6 years of age, an age when you can laugh at something funny not caring about what others think.
2) For all that I know about them,I was damn sure they would!
My fellow batch mates, a boy and a girl, both 6 year old’s are made to sit right in front of the teacher . My daughter who is also in the same class has nicely ditched me and had gone and sat in the front row with her friend and is busy looking into her music book. I choose the last row, citing a backache so that I could have a back support. Classes starts,the teacher switch on the Sruthi box and asked the senior batch to start singing with sa pa sa, I also join them.
First the senior most batch(It includes woman who are senior to me) is made to sing a raga, then the batch who has begun around 6 months back which includes cherry. She sings well, and in between looks back at me as if to tell me listen and learn well, I am your senior. 😄.
Finally, it is our turn! Teacher explains a few things and teaches us the swaras. And asks us to repeat. Suddenly the whole class goes into pin drop silence and I know there was nothing else to do but sing. The other two kids are singing loudly though their sruthi is not exactly where it should be. The other first graders are laughing but then they do have the advantage of being in that age. For a minute I get these jitters, and the feeling that my voice is stuck in my throat.😁😁I look around and see all of them were keenly looking at me waiting for me to open my mouth and sing.
I start to sing slowly, in a very feeble voice that even I was not sure if I was singing inside my head or outside. Teachers asks me to sing loudly and I am almost ready to run out 😂 I keep singing though my voice is breaking and the first row is sitting literally turning back facing me, giggling. 😱 It must have been a funny sight for them, something they dont get to see everyday.
Darsana, who is sitting next to be being the kind soul she is, starts singing with me slowly.I remembered my music lessons as a kid, maybe around the age of these kids with my grandmother. She would give me music lessons during my summer holidays when she came to visit us. Those were happy times, and suddenly being in this class reminded me of her and my childhood, summer holidays spend in Willington island with a lot of friends, with a lot people to take care of me, when there was nothing to worry about. Maybe it was for a reason I, who never had the courage to take another music lesson after her decided to restart it at the age of 30!
So letting my inhibitions take a backseat, I start to sing loudly and more confidently. After class Darsana messaged me saying I do have a very sweet voice and I am doing good. I ask cherry was it ok and she says it was horrible 😂. Still I go for the next class and the next until I am made to sing with the 6 month batch which includes my daughter who doesn’t like this arrangement one bit as she gets to loose her seniority tag since we both happen to be in the same batch now. She kept glaring at me in between classes showing her disapproval. 😀 😀
Back home after the last class, I was telling my husband who was keenly watching a football game on tv how well I was progressing in my music class, and adds the whole theory about the brain ageing and not able to learn something new after a certain age is all rubbish. “Well that doesnt apply to you’ he says changing the channel and walking to the refrigerator. ‘Eh, why is that so?’ I tag behind him hoping to hear something good about me, something extra genius sorts. He takes out a water bottle, takes a sip, walks and says ‘ You hardly use your brain, it should still be in its babyness, all young” and runs up the stair before I even decode what he really meant!…grrrrr
Its 3 in the morning and I am still awake!
If I were a ghost, I would be waltzing to this song right now,in a long black gown looking extremely beautiful with cascading long raven hair (like bella when she becomes a vampire :D). An old palace(preferably deserted) with candle lights and chandeliers and flowing drapery in the night wind would be an ideal setting. All I need is a full moon night with the long windows and the balcony opening up to an ocean that stretches up miles ahead glistening in the silver moonlight. There, I am done!
7.20 am: Cherry had to dress up as ‘Radha ‘ and reach school by 7.15 am today because of Astami Rohini celebrations and as usual the husband happily handed over the baton to me and indulged in another hour of undisturbed sleep. We were still getting dressed at 7.15 am and when we reached school, I was the weary, teary eyed parent who ended up coming with my daughter in tow without a trace of make up on her while there was a sea of cute little Krishna’s and little Radhas, all decked up in their finest attire and make up splendor. Luckily Cherry is still too small to realize this and the only thing she looked aghast was the fact that I had gone to her school wearing flip flops,electric blue ones at that. I had completely forgotten to change my house slippers in the hurry to reach school on time and had trotted happily into her school wearing my 3 year old bathroom slippers. Blimey!
10.00am: In memory of the carrot cake I had mercilessly indulged yesterday, not to mention the bajji cheese sandwich from Haji Ali , feeling rather guilty and bloated I am pounding my way at the gym. The gym is a new territory I have discovered recently and though it is a place we talk more than work out, I find my zen there. The best thing is that they allow our kids too, who think it is funny to run around when someone is lifting weights and making them totally dizzy! Since I have back problems, my favorite piece is a cycling machine with a backrest. It is in a calm place facing a mango tree and I feel my feeling of zen emerge from the bottom of my heart when I am on it :D. And also, I get to hide there from Mr.Monu who is our trainer who thinks its amusing to regulate whatever you are doing at the moment to a point so difficult you pant with every breath! So after my warm ups, I go directly to my favorite cycle and to my dismay I am not able to switch it on. After a few failed attempts, I call the owner of the gym and he comes over all eager to help the maiden in distress. He just pulls out a plug from the electric socket to plug in my machine and I hear a loud thud from behind me. Apparently, he had pulled out the plug of a treadmill where a lady with similar back problems was being brave enough to jog at 7 speed and she almost fell down and sprained her back again. Blimey!
12.30 pm : Mother walks in with her usual scoop of new business ideas. Incidentally she has started a pickle business without any of our knowledge! Not just pickles, she has started Chutney powder, Sambhar powder and is full fledged! I am like when?how?When? Like the last time I spoke to her (which was last evening) there was not even the faintest idea of woman entrepreneurship looming out from her. She brushed of all my queries saying she has been thinking about it for a long time and today she thought was the best day to put everything into practice! Incidentally , she has even send my father to inquire about the official processes for taking the food license. (The last time she convinced my father was to stand for the election and all of us are still recovering from the shock!) “But then what will you sell, how, where?” I a so full of doubts and she beams ear to ear and produces samples from a shopping bag which was still inside the verandah.Pickles made from Mangoes, Vadukapuli, Sambar powder, chutney powder are placed on my dining table and I am slurrping…Lets just forget the food license and have lunch, I insist. 😀
4.00 pm: I get a watsap text from a very dear and very pregnant friend of mine asking whether i will be at home in the evening, so she could come over. When I reply in the affirmative she reveals that her child (who is the same class with Cherry) has been invited to a birthday party of a fellow class mate whose mother I have never met until today morning. She had added me in fb like a month back but it was the first time that I met her in flesh. I immediately started worrying thinking that Cherry could feel bad that she was not invited (only because my PR skills were totally nil), So I call up Dr.DD who stays next to the b’day boy’s house and plot with her to call up this common friend of ours and innocently ask her to couch in her(Dr.DD’s) place. (all for cherry). She calls back after a few minutes saying that our dear friend refused it and said that she has already promised she would come here! I dread the moment where my daughter finds out that her friends were going to a party and she was not. I ponder and ponder and finally decide to tell that myself (let her hear it from me rather than in an unpleasant way). I break the news to her kindly , telling so and so might come here and her kid will be going to such and such a party but Mummy don’t know his mom and so on. And she was like ok and go about doing her painting! I was totally confused, so I asked her again if she was really OK with it, and she is like “you don’t know his mother and we never called him for my birthday so its ok”. Kids! Like Anju said, grown up makes things so complicated and kids make it so simple. So much times wasted on worrying for nothing!
7.pm : I am making Cherry learn her dictation words mercilessly that Adolf Hitler could have taken a bow. She is dreading every minute of it and is producing all sorts of weird sounds like sighing, long sighing (in the next 1.5 minute after the first sighing), falling on the table, flipping her eraser, trying to pronounce words like animals as amils, swear as sore etc. The Adolf Hitler in me is dying to laugh hysterically because it is utterly funny but I need Dalai Lama’s absolute zen in me to cope up with teaching her EVSC words for tomorrow’s dictation.
7.30 pm : I am texting my soul mates in our sisterhood(She still hasn’t changed the name!I know) group in watsap and the topic comes to a particularly unpopular guy who studied with us. He had given one of us a nickname and none remembered it and I volunteered to fish out an old pic with one of us sitting on a tree right above him and try and think again. While i go to ‘fish’ for the pic and upon finding it, he reminded vaguely of someone and to my utter horror remembered that I had run out of vegetables.(I really don’t know what triggered that) Asking the husband to keep an eye on Cherry and her studies I run out in my electric blue flip flops(again) to find the most important man in my life these days closing his shop! I return in less than 10 minutes but that is enough for the girls to start wondering where I had disappeared. So I tell them that I went hunting for the most important man in my life now. They are all curious to know about him so I give them a vague description to make them totally jealous – he sells peeled shallots, scrapped coconuts and cut organic vegetables! And immediately the girls wanted him too. They were even plotting to kidnap him to Kuwait and pay him in KD’s. They are still begging me for his details but I am keeping my mouth shut. I am telling you, a woman should never reveal details about an eligible man, there are always others who are interested. 😀 :D.
8.30 pm: My bed time is looming above my head in a big way. Cherry checks the clock and is getting tensed that it is way past her bedtime and so is mine! Finally she declares that we leave everything that we are doing now and hit bed right this minute! (Am I the mother here or is she the one? I am eternally confused on this one!) I try to convince her that she could get up a little later the next day as it was a hard day today(I mean for me:D) but she totally doesn’t fall for my rantings. Once upon a time, 8.30 pm was a time when I would be lazing on the couch, have time for myself and watch my favorite channel or browse or read or do whatever I desired without a pint sized Mussolini dictating my every move! These days I am just delusional, most of the time trying to squeeze in between an almost sleeping child, her 2 blankets, 3 stuffed dolls of various sizes, a night glowing lamp in the shape of a round snow man, 3 little smiley yellow balls, a pair of (new) bunny slippers and 4 hand towels! Incidentally they all happen to be sleeping in our bed!
The picture on top is from a long time ago, a time I really don’t even remember much about, another birth maybe because these days I don’t get to laugh like this anymore.I wonder what made us laugh so much. It must have been something silly, we always end up laughing for anything ! Well, most of our pictures do resemble the one on top, cracking up, unaligned, usually making no sense at all.:D
This came in the ‘Sisterhood’ group today. Trust Deeps to come up with such a name. (I immediately put the eye rolling emoji when she changed the group name, I swear I did!). There is nothing that we don’t discuss and crack up about in that group. Its an open book,our lives – I don’t think there’s anything that we don’t discuss or know about each other. From husband dramas, inlaws traumas, jobs or the lack of it, kids (no kids are the sweetest things, blessed!), making fun of other friends who are not in the group, new guys who try to hit on us, in fact one of us think one of our ex husband is trying to hit on one of us (lol), contemplate and unanimously agree for the hundredth thousandth time that college was pure shit :D, wonder how we put up with the rest of the gang, plot meet ups without them knowing, make fun of each and everything. Gosh I sound pure evil.:D 😀
But then, it just makes us happy to be in that space where we can actually be ourselves without thinking that we are judged or have to hold on to any of the society labels stuck on us. And just looking at the picture is making me crack up all over again.Its good to have friends for a lifetime. Someone wise once said that its a blessing to have friends who share your same mental disorder. 😀