Monsoon Blues

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A mug of black coffee and a classic to read to beat monsoon blues

 

Its raining, like heavy heavy rain types. The floor is so cold that I feel like little electric shocks are going up my feet every time I put my foot down.

Its Saturday  and I have’nt really done anything today other than read bullshit on the intetnet  and watch videos on youtube almost all day. Cherry has gone visiting her grandparents and the husband is off to work, so it was just the house and me today. And I had heaps of things to do which I have left it just like that. Its the climate you see. I really cant function at all when its cold.

I really dont feel like going out anywhere these days. I have my classes and other than the necessary places I need to go, going out on weekends and all seem so boring. Its just the climate or I say to myself! Talk about monsoon blues.

Somewhere now

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I am almost a teacher now..well I am in training now…this is the corridor outside our class and I think its class!
The school is an old palace converted and our class overlooks a beautiful temple pond. Now the rains are here the views are getting very pretty. 🙂

Bedtime stories and Sex and the City.

Couple of days back my mother came to stay with us. I love those day when she is home. I mean who doesn’t love having their mother around. For once you get to slack from everything. For me especially from cooking (I detest that seriously, cooking when I like is a passion, but cooking when I have to is an irony.) My mom unlike me is normal, and she loves cooking and feeding and more cooking and more feeding. So I was on happy meals for couple of days – my mother cooking and me happily eating. 😀

Since my mother  was here for the night, the husband decided to spend a night at his parents’ house which is like 5 minutes away. By 11 we were all settled in bed. When she is here, me and Cherry usually sleeps with her. Cherry in between us, listening to us talking or Amma telling her some old stories.  I remembered I had my ‘Sex and the city s6’ repeats  on AXN which was something I dint want to miss. Feeling too lazy to get up and go from the airconditioned bedroom to living room, I switched on the television and tuned into the channel and Cherry who was not yet asleep had to ask the name of the show and I simply told her ‘City girls’( She needn’t know the S word so soon I guess).

The irony was that both of them (the grandmother and granddaughter) were wide awake and mom was in between telling her some stories from the Hindu puranas, I could hear the names Mahavishnu, Paramasivan, Mohini etc etc thrown in between, and there I was watching this sitcom where woman were drinking and kissing and words like S**, A*****, F*** were in regular conversation!

After the first two S words from Samantha Jones, I decided it was best to watch it on mute, reading the subtitles. This was the way how I watched television when Cherry was a baby at night, and thanks to that my eyesight has gone for a sixer!  It had some scenes which might look like heavy love making but in reality it was nothing other than a head shot from the back or a naked shoulder and some ah oo sound effects to follow. But since my mother or Cherry din’t know that, I kept an eye on them and when such a scene appeared I immediately flipped channels! God I almost got squint eyes doing that!( I am 30,but still feel uncomfortable watching such things in front of my parents, ya I admit it :D)

There was this scene were Miranda and her husband goes on a honeymoon and they are in a tub, and all of a sudden Cherry exclaims ‘ Momma are they not wearing clothes’!  I immediately switch channels and act as if I was just browsing through and never heard her question  and she goes again ‘ “Were they not wearing any clothes?”’ She needed an answer . I simply had to say something like‘ I don’t know, I was just changing channels’.

I get a few more minutes of silence and go back to AXN thinking maybe she has gone back to her story, and Carrie is with the Russian (I infact really like the Russian, think he was better than Big). Suddenly from my right side she says, “ Momma, Ammooma(grandmother) doesn’t know anything. She says Mohini was Paramasivan. But it was Mahavishnu right?

I blink like a moth caught in light. I open my mouth and the close it again like a gasping goldfish. In reality I couldn’t place all these people together. A part of my mind was in the program where Alekxandre Petrovsky was about to give Carrie something and I couldn’t place Mohini into it. (URghh).

I looked at my mom on the other end of the bed and she was more than half into sleep mumbling something like “Mohini was Paramasivan. Not that mohini”. She sounded eternally confused from her sleep mode I guess.  Luckily Cherry too was slumbering into sleep.

I decided it was the best to switch off the television and get some sleep. I think I had some real weird dreams last night about Carrie with a tilak or something like that.

Note to myself: No more watching TV in the bedroom at night!

The I dont have a phone post :)

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Finally I feel liberated. No I am not dead and  attained nirvana and all that. Its just that my phone conked out last week or so, and since then I really feel so liberated.It has its cons like not being able to call someone when you want to or just pick up the phone and ping someone when you were bored. Darshana and Merin did come home to check if I was still alive which was very sweet of them.

It was actually a weird feeling in the beginning, I missed those cute little beeps that filled my day when someone pinged me in watsap, I missed chating with Deepti that were so liberating, I missed those school group chats where we mostly picked on a classmate, my college group chats where I felt like I really dint know anyone at all, My PG group where only a few of us chated, the UKG Mommies group where really a lot of things happened and later gossiping about each an everything with Anju.:D,I missed the Cristal girls gang group where we all realized that we were hitting mid life crisis! :D,  I missed those chats with Priyesh where we would poke each other and I had a gala time making fun of his gfs- the idli face colleague and so on, I missed those  daily chats with Ami and Maya which has been going for so long that I feel its a daily routine, I missed changing my dp twice a day.:D, I missed putting weird status messages, I missed the daily calls from Amma, and the occasional ones from Anuradha and Akka and others. I missed not having to remember to put the phone to charge, or having to remember if I still had it with me when I went out or returned home.

But I also realized I had a lot of free time in my hand since there was no phone to keep me engaged all the time. Who knew a small thing like a smart phone would be ruling your life!Since I was free-

  1. I was playing more with my daughter. We drew pictures, we painted a box house, we read stories and we played house. She stopped complaining that I am always looking into my damn phone! 🙂
  2. I was becoming a better cook. I am a lazy cook, whatever is fast has always been my way. But now I had time and I was cooking big elaborate meals. Breakfasts had fresh juice now, Lunch there were more curries and dinner was a something that everyone looked forward to. 🙂
  3. I was once again thinking of many things. Few dreams I have put on the backseat was  slowly waving to me. I am developing a script from a thread that’s been running in my mind for some time now.
  4. The house is more clean and presentable and smelled nice
  5. I have started reading again, Robert Ludlum, David Badacci and Stephen King, I would love to have the 3 of you together but for the time being I will just go with you Mr.Ludlum. :D:D
  6. I am following more news and keeping myself updated and the same has happened to my fashion sense which I think I had lost a few years back. Lets get on track baby!

These are just a few of them, I really feel its a good thing I don’t have a phone now. At least now I can think of some me time. So until I dont have a good reason , I have decided not to use one. 🙂 Lets just bring on the 80’s.

When the first drop of rain hits the mud.

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It has started raining.

All of a sudden , couple of days back, the sky just rolled up and dark clouds took over the horizon  somewhere around mid  afternoon. Like a sudden thick gush of smoke pumped out from somewhere, they objected my view from anything, and suddenly it felt like late evening at mid afternoon.

My neighbor in green, Ms. White checkered barbet has settled in her coconut tree hole house that she and her Mr. were making at record speed. And since shes in there most of the time I am guessing shes already laid her eggs. The first roar of thunder and I went upstairs to check if she was OK. I saw her putting her head out and examining the whole dark surroundings and guessing it was better off inside just pulled back .

The tender mangoes in my backyard mango tree has all ripened or almost ripe and they just danced away swaying in the wind. A short tree almost bent over and I almost thought it was going to snap and break.  Luckily, it didn’t.

Another roll of thunder and rain started falling like pellets, growing thicker and thicker with each passing second. The smell of wet mud, the sudden chill in the air, the lightning that brightened up the dark skies..

Me and cherry just pulled up 2 chairs and sat on the porch and watched the rain till it was like too dark to even make out anything. Then we just went inside and made some hot chocolate. So much for happiness..:)

 

 

 

Pic courtesy : Google Images ( But it pretty much looks the same. I did click pics but then later realised I had forgotten to put in the sd card. stupid me!)

For the sake of our woman.

 

We were told to dress properly, to sit properly, walk properly, to be home before night , not to walk alone after sunset, to be cautious of strangers,  not to react to catcalls or eve teasing. All this because ‘concerned people’ said ‘you are a girl and this is for your own safety’!

Safety!

A few days back, precisely 6 days ago a girl was raped and murdered in our state.She was a law student and was alone at home. Her mother returned home in the evening to find her dead -murdered after being  brutally raped, her intestines removed, more than 30 injuries on her body. The brutality of raping a woman is equal to the brutality of killing her. She was strangled and had undergone immense physical torture before she died. Last time it was the Delhi girl, this time it is a girl from Perumbavoor, a girl we might have seen, maybe at the bus stop, maybe on the road, anywhere. She might have been anyone. She might have been you or me!

Politicians call her a ‘Dalit girl’. A Dalit! May I ask why? She was a girl. She was murdered in such a way that we freeze and shudder even as we read it in the newspaper. We cannot even make ourselves read it without cringing or skipping the lines. The description haunts us. It is terrifying. So why tag her lineage along with it? Or her poor background? Or the colour of her skin? Or how small her house was? The issue here is not her lineage, nor her surroundings, not her status quo in the society as they try to point out.

The issue here is why is our country not safe for woman? Yes there I said it. What you and me say in private. I don’t know about other countries or their rules.  I am a law abiding citizen, I pay my taxes, I vote for the government every time there is an election. Then why don’t you make us feel safe? It is such a simple question.Is it too much to ask for? You can say this is a one off case. But no, it is not a one off case, It has happened in Delhi, it has happened to Soumya, it has happened to  thousands of unfortunate woman  all over India.

It is happening to  girls every day in some way or the other – in buses, in crowded places, busy walkways, in cabs. Stares at all the wrong places, indecent remarks while passing by, a quick touch as if by accident. Sure some of us react.  But most of us don’t, scared of the taboo associated with it. Are we all cowards? Of course not. Are we all tired of going through this again and again? Or are we just brainfed not to react to all these from the time we were young girls?  I think that’s the answer. It is our mindset that has been shaped in such a ways that gives these men the audacity to continue doing what they do.

We need to dismantle the whole idea of seeing woman as an object. We are not just sexy legs and a hot body. Every time you switch on the television, woman are portrayed as some sort of fantasy for men. We know only how to ban things, to be made to feel ashamed. India bans porn and the biggest porn star becomes one of the most sought after heroines in India.

The Nirbhaya documentary (India’s daughter)  by BBC threw light on the mindset and living conditions of the culprits.Again do I have to know their mindset or their background? And you cannot call them culprits. They are inhuman barbaric beasts who had the audacity to say on camera that the next group of men who rape woman won’t even leave them alive like they did. That is after pulling out her intestines and leaving her naked on the road! And we sat and watched as the most dangerous of them walked out free stating he was a ‘minor’! They said that’s the law!

How many more of us need to shed our lives for such callous bastards? How many protests would it take for the govt to wake up? How many more years would it take to change our mindsets, change our laws?How many of us would remember her in a year from now? Will she fade away like a nightmarish memory like Nirbhaya or soumya while the culprits still remain alive?

I think it is high time the laws are changed for rape, for the sake of our woman. The men behind the murder of the girl should be given nothing less than the capital punishment, in front of all the people, live on national television so that everyone sees what happens to such beasts. We need to put an end to this. Humanity – Let us wake up at least now!

Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever ours!

Last day at the library I ‘discovered’ love – a whole corner section of it :). It was past beyond the horror book shelves around a small corner where none usually would think of finding it. I have passed it many times, but never thought about checking the corner thinking that was the place where they stored all those authors none has  ever heard of.  But there I was, my pupils almost dilated, between stalks of  love stories, love poems, sonnets, even books of compiled love letters – all written by the immortal lovers of all times.

Intrigued, I pulled out a book from a rack and opened a page randomly. It was a letter  from Ludwig Van Beethovan to an unidentified immortal beloved which dated all the way back to the 1800’s.

Good morning, on 7 July

Even in bed my ideas yearn towards you, my Immortal Beloved, here and there joyfully, then again sadly, awaiting from Fate, whether it will listen to us. I can only live either together with you or not at all. Yes, I have determined to wander about for so long far away, until I can fly into your arms and call myself quite at home with you, can send my soul enveloped by yours into the realm of spirits – yes, I regret, it must be. You will get over it all the more as you know my faithfulness to you; never another one can own my heart, never  never! O God, why must one go away from what one loves so, and yet my life in W ,as it is now is a miserable life. Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time. At my actual age I should need some continuity, sameness of life . Can that exist under our circumstances? Angel, I just hear that the post goes out every day  and must close therefore, so that you get the L. at once. Be calm , love me  today , yesterday.

What longing in tears for you , You – my Life ,my All – farewell! Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

I forgot to close the book and keep it back. I guess I just stood there frozen for sometime until I snapped out of my trance when someone walked past me in that corner – the almost none ever goto zone.

Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever ours!

 

 

 

(Courtesy to all the above lines from the letter belongs to the book which unfortunately I have forgotten the name. I had just took a snapshot of it while I was there. May be I should just say courtesy to google, well then! 🙂